How To Make Friends In Your Adult Life
We gain so much from our friendships. You'll be astonished at how many individuals will be eager to connect with you if you are brave and take action.
Friends are priceless. They offer a calming feeling of belonging and security in a chaotic environment. We share our joys and sorrows, laugh and weep together, and give one another support when things are tough. But the subjective nature of friendship is what makes it unique. It is a very liberating relationship that we only choose to maintain.
The drawback of all this liberty, though, is that friendships frequently lapse due to a lack of formal engagement. Children, partners, sick parents, and work commitments that infringe on our personal time can all add to the deluge of responsibilities that can make up adult life.
It will take a conscious decision on your side to make more friends as you become older. Though it sounds like a fun challenge, having enough confidence will be one of your first challenges. Especially if you are naturally shy, putting yourself out there might be intimidating and arouse rejection anxieties. Two avoidance strategies that will prevent you from making friends could result from these anxieties. First, you can engage in “overt avoidance,” which involves avoiding circumstances where you could potentially meet new individuals. Second, you might discover that you participate in “covert avoidance,” which is the practice of showing up but failing to interact with others.
1. Think that others will like you
These two avoidance strategies stem from understandable worries of being rejected. Therefore, consider how much simpler it would be if you understood that, should you appear in a group of strangers, the majority of them would adore you and find you fascinating. This kind of thinking is essentially self-fulfilling. This implies that it’s more probable that this will actually happen if you approach social events with a positive outlook and the assumption that others like you.
Because you don’t think it’s true, you could still be hesitant to presume that others are similar to you. If this describes you, you might find solace in research showing that generally speaking, people like us more so than we believe.
2. Take the Initiative
You need to let go of the misconception that friendships develop naturally in order to appreciate the value of initiating. You need to be proactive rather than just waiting. Science supports this. But being there means less than greeting them when you arrive. This entails making introductions, getting phone numbers, checking up, and inviting folks to meet up. Making new acquaintances requires a procedure that we must repeatedly engage in called initiation.
For those who are in new social environments, such as those who have relocated to a city, started a new school, or begun a new career, initiation is especially crucial. We may think we will be turned down if we initiate a conversation but it happens a lot less than we actually think.
3. Keep appearing
Once you’ve made some new acquaintances, it can be difficult to develop true connections with them. For a long time, sociologists have understood that friendships flourish when we have ongoing engagement. It’s preferable to join up for events that provide you with numerous chances to interact if you can.
You can take advantage of something known as the “mere exposure effect” by taking advantage of these recurring engagement opportunities. This is the propensity we have to enjoy things more the more similar they appear to be, and it also holds true for individuals. You should make a commitment to regularly turning up someplace for a couple of months if you want to build friends. If you persevere, over time you’ll get more at ease, get to know the people better, and they’ll like you more.
4. Become Vulnerable
Vulnerability is the follow-up step after learning how to make relationships in order to strengthen them. You must give personal information about yourself and engage in conversation with others in order to develop genuine friendships. You still have a lot to say, even though you don’t have to divulge everything that you may tell a therapist. Inform them about your interests, hobbies, and upcoming plans while also asking them for the same in return.
Beginning with a simple “hi,” it progresses to the continued initiative, consistent interaction, and eventually being ready to disclose your vulnerabilities. You might believe that these meagre deeds, these first few brief “hellos,” are ultimate of no consequence. But these introductions count. Without any of those very initial steps, friendship would never have been conceivable, and they can lead us down a path toward intimacy and connection.
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