Why Your Partner Shouldn’t Be Your Everything
You maybe be willing to give your everything to your partner but they cannot and should not be your everything in life. Its not romantic, not cute and definitely not love.
We often find ourselves and those around us deep in love. Relationships may have the commitment, patience and endurance. You may feel overwhelmed to such an extent by your partner when you think about how much you are into them that you might give so much of yourself, expecting something equally back whether consciously or subconsciously. Calling the partner your ‘world’ maybe a reality to you and you may mean it but after narrowing it down, should and can one person be your everything?
Our partners being our ‘everything’ is a common proclamation and for it to be one makes perfect sense because the concept is romanticized in songs, movies, blogs, marriage vows etc. Contrary to these love songs, an individual cannot be your everything. Human beings are complex – we seek relationships to fulfil our desires and requirements be it emotional, intellectual, social, sexual, financial or spiritual. To place the responsibility of fulfilling the aforementioned intimate requirements on one person who is also imperfect is a lot.
Going into a relationship looking for your everything places you in an egoship- “a situation in which you have a partner to fulfill a void, rather than expose vulnerabilities and grow.” – Shamyra Howard.
Furthermore, the notion of finding a soulmate is another problem. We are socialised into believing that one individual (soulmate) will tick all our boxes. The biggest problem with this notion is that having one soulmate isn’t necessary neither do they have to be in a romantic relationship with you. The correct definition of a soulmate is someone who you share a spiritual connection with, is connected and committed to your spiritual growth, represents truth in your life, someone who acts as a mirror to you and challenges you.
Again, that does not and should not make them your ‘everything’. No one is perfect therein, you cannot expect your soulmate or your partner to satisfy all your needs.
Herein, it is expedient to establish meaningful relationships outside of your primary relationship, embrace the fullness of these relationships as pursuing to love other friendships and relationships strengthens our ability to love and be loved.
How making them your ‘everything’ is toxic
It’s unhealthy– a healthy relationship requires the partners to be healthy meaning they must be self-sustained and have full personal potential.
There are other notions of a partner being your “better half” or “completing” you, however the fact is that a healthy relationship involves people who can fully actualize on their own.
It’s codependence– relationships that involve one or both partners being codependent signify unhealthy clinginess and the inability of being self-sufficient or having autonomy. It involves one or both partners relying on each other for fulfilment.
Making another individual your everything means everything else, including yourself, is nothing without them. In a healthy relationship, you must be able to stand on your own and maintain an identity outside the relationship.
It’s infatuation– a one-sided experience rather than a connection.
It involves, your obsessions being the priority rather than establishing a meaningful relationship. At the moment you feel like they are your everything.
The difference between a healthy, loving relationship and toxic relationships is that a healthy relationship involves prioritizing self-development, having separate interests, meaningful relationships/ friendships, a cycle of comfort and contentment. Whereas, in a toxic relationship, you find yourself prioritizing your partner, being completely involved in the relationship with no other relationships/ friendships and obsessive fusion.
Knowing your own “relationship goals” is imperative. When manifesting finding the one or being the one, think and fully evaluate what that means for you. Ask yourself whether you are looking for someone to complete you or compliment you? In case of the right answer being the former, you may not be emotionally prepared or stable to nurture a healthy, long-lasting relationship. A perfect relationship does not exist; healthy relationships require partners who are ready to learn, compromise, grow, rebuild and complement each other.
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