Here’s Why Tone Policing is a Callousness

“Can you calm down, we can discuss this like adults!”

“You’re so sensitive”

“It’s not that serious”

Have you heard similar remarks from the person you’re having a conversation with? Do you feel that certain remarks amidst a conversation are intentionally made to silence you or to shut down your argument? If so, there’s a high probability that you have been tone policed.

What is Tone policing?

Tone policing is an anti-debate tactic that people use to criticize another person for expressing their emotions. It involves dismissing ideas that are being communicated.

Tone policing has serious repercussions as it can potentially force the victim to suppress their feelings regarding something that they require to talk about. Mostly, the marginalized groups are tone policed when they talk about their struggles or someone who advocates on behalf of these marginalized groups.

Why is tone policing wrong?

This act is completely inhumane as it belittles the issues faced by people of disadvantaged communities. For example, a person could be talking about the mistreatment they face in a frustrated manner, and they are expected to voice these problems in a submissive way. Furthermore, tone policers are often the privileged ones of a particular society hence they feel uncomfortable when they are faced by the oppressed. Tone policing is evident of them using the status quo to their advantage in such situations.

Speaking with emotion is perceived by tone policers as sensitive, rude or disrespectful when in reality it isn’t. Tone policers twist a completely valid argument into something completely irrational. This is callousness as it completely disregards the other person’s efforts to fix their circumstances. Moreover, speaking up to the majorities isn’t easy therefore the dismissal projected through tone policing is extremely suppressing and soul-crushing. This insensitive act only further oppresses the oppressed.

Examples of tone policing

“There must be a civil way to say what you’re saying”

“You’d have the support of many others including myself if you were calm”

“This isn’t the time to start expressing your emotions” 

“I wish you would say that in a nicer way”

It’s imperative for one to know that tone policing means that you are actively being compliant in the bigotry. The reality is that tone policing never advances discussions, it only shuts them down. Being understanding of the issues of disadvantaged groups is a necessary factor when trying to stop this insensitive act. It’s time to check our privilege and amplify the disadvantaged voices around us.

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