Exploring Neediness and Vulnerability in Relationships
Neediness versus being vulnerable in a relationship sit on two opposite ends of the relationship spectrum and might be worlds apart.
Love is commonly believed to be an act of bearing one’s heart to someone else, and this vulnerability is a risk. But when does this intense conviction or rather soul-bearing cross over into the dangerous parallel of unreasonable neediness, is a question that remains. Is it just a matter of personal and individual needs or is it some deep-rooted trauma-induced insecurity that drives one to act unreasonably needy?
However, contrary to conventional notions, vulnerability and neediness might be worlds apart.
Being needy in comparison with being vulnerable in a relationship possibly sit on two opposite ends of the relationship spectrum. Neediness often drains the energy out of your partner while being vulnerable pulls your partner into you- in perhaps a healthier way. Showing your vulnerability to your partner predominantly, lets your guard down, while showing a softer side of you, and that can be quite attractive to the other, however, for some people, this might not be the case and they may choose to not show their vulnerabilities at all- which is perfectly fine if that’s what they like.
Vulnerability is commonly recognised as a strength and showcases how serious we take our relationship with that other person; moreover, it tends to generate a more liberating and powerful feeling. By allowing your partner to see another side of you that is raw and real, the probabilities of a deeper level of intimacy increase. By allowing your emotions, and feelings to be known, an element of trust is established between partners. However, again, this is not the case for everyone. Humans are complex and diverse beings, everyone has their individual love language and should do what feels right.
An imperative note is that there is very little to no attraction to being needy. To be needy is to smother your partner. Neediness begins to require your partner’s full attention to maintain the relationship- this is toxic. Neediness equates to you needing the actions of your partner to complete you. However, being vulnerable means living your life as a fulfilled and content person while allowing a barrier to come down by sharing weaknesses and emotions.
Demanding a text every five minutes from your partner is neediness. Telling your partner you feel insecure if you don’t hear from him/her all day is being vulnerable—there is a big difference between the two.
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