The Importance of Setting Boundaries
Setting clear personal boundaries is the key tool in leading a healthy life and also ensure relationships are mutually respectful, supportive and caring.
Many people are not familiar with personal boundaries. A measure of self-esteem, setting personal boundaries ensures that our relationships are mutually respectful, supportive and are the most helpful tool in leading a healthy life: mentally, physically and spiritually.
Boundaries are basic guidelines, limitations that people create for themselves to establish how others are able to behave around them. Boundaries are safe and permissible ways for other people to behave toward them and how they will respond when someone crosses these boundaries.
Setting boundaries ensures that relationships are mutually respectful, supportive, and caring. This does not mean that they will not be violated at some point. At many points in your life, you must have felt your boundaries being violated. Boundaries are a problem when they are too close or too distant. There are two ends of this spectrum, one is enmeshment- the lack of boundaries. The other is detachment- too many boundaries that ultimately results in isolation. Neither extreme is healthy. It is imperative to find our balance and to set the appropriate amount of boundaries
Creating healthy boundaries is an integral part of living your healthiest and best life. Before setting boundaries it is essential to understand why they are such an imperative aspect of living a healthy life. Setting personal boundaries prevents us from feeling exploited, and help us feel empowered and more in control of our lives and relationships. During the process of setting these boundaries, we get to know ourselves and our values better. These factors subsequently result in us feeling content and confident.
To start with the process, know which behaviours are and are not acceptable to you
- List five things you’d like people to stop doing around you, for example, backbiting
- List five things you want people to stop doing to you, for example, being inconsiderate or ignorant
- List five things that people must no longer say to you, for example, “you overreact too much” or “you’re not good enough”
Make sure to know why you want to set a particular boundary and stick to it then. Don’t let anyone violate it. Clarify the repercussions – decide what you’ll do if it is violated. Will you hang up the phone? leave the room? eradicate that person from your life? Decide that but make sure to set realistic boundaries and the repercussions that come when they are violated. You don’t want to set consequences that are unattainable for you. Remember staying true to yourself is imperative. If you want people to take you seriously, communicate. Let others know what your boundaries are and what the consequences are for violating them. Lastly, stick to this and do not be selective otherwise you’re just humiliating yourself. Stop tolerating everything, instead save your energy for the moments and people who deserve it.
With time your boundaries may require updating. Perhaps the time you can give to others is much more limited after and you may want to invest it more towards your relationship.
Setting boundaries comes with a price. Bear in mind that those close to you may not be supportive in your attempts to change because they have been used to your old ways of doing things. Of course, those relationships that are worth having will survive, and grow stronger. Those who won’t support your decision to adopt a healthier lifestyle are obviously not worth your time and energy.
Its time to let go of our past practices and starting fresh.
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